Prince Charming

Harry Windsor Asked: "I am thinking of taking the plunge and getting myself married. Do you have any advice to give about the qualities to look for in a woman. I'm a bit iffy about asking male members of my family for help."

Bloody hell 'H' as a ginger haired kid, I had you pegged a long time ago as batting for the ladies team. The first thing to remember is that all woman can be extremely fickle and hormonal. Finding the right woman for yourself is not going to be an easy task. Being a significant part of a dysfunctional family isn't going to help either.

I too would feel a little freaked out if I was thinking of asking your dad for any hint's and tip's on choosing the right one. I have the distinct feeling that your grandfather would not make the grade either. Freud suggested we’re all looking for someone like our parents. Apparently, when we meet people, we are naturally drawn to those that look like our parents. In your case, I would concentrate on the maternal line. So, if you’re scouting for the perfect woman, I suggest you take a trip home first to take a look at what you need to avoid.

Valentin Serov

When you’re single, friends always tell you to 'get out there'. If you’re wanting to get involved in things and it is after all good to meet new people,. You could do something different for a change. After all do you really want to find the woman of your dreams whilst you’re shovelling horse shit?

I believe that the first quality you should look for in any potential woman as a life long partner, is a degree of independence. Her ability to go shopping alone at the Tesco local without needing assistance with the bags is a quality that should be high on your list. Food shopping is also the perfect place to meet lots of different women. You can tell an awful lot about their lifestyle by looking inside their trolleys – if they've got no packs of beer and a family sized pork pie, then walk on by.

The second major quality is self-sufficiency in all things. Whether its changing a fuse or light bulb right up to being comfortable  using the firemen's lift, after your night out with the boys,. From the perspective of family participation she will need to be able to look good in wellingtons. However, don't confuse thigh length Gestapo boots with green wellies. Its also important to know that in your case she won't need to be able to hold an intellectual conversation. So a third quality would be a good sense of humour.


Regards

Uncle Mort.